The Recto Movie House Incident

I have a secret. Before the surge of those high end cinemas at the malls, back when I was a struggling college student from one of the schools at The University Belt in Manila, I had the nasty habit of frequenting those movie theaters along Recto, as long as the movie showing starred my favorite actress at that time, Joyce Jimenez. Now married and on the family way, Joyce Jimenez was once the object of my penile desire. I could have cared less if she has those areolas the size of a platito, those not-so-perfect sagging fun bags, those huge arms or those multiple love handles. Despite these flaws, she was still tagged as the "Pantasya Ng Bayan." For Pinoy men, her tempting ethereal face and voluptuous physique were smokin'. Now that her showbiz career has gone into smoke, it is but nostalgic to recount the time when her launching movie came out--- Scorpio Nights 2.

Prior to its release, the buzz regarding the movie was insane. To stir public interest, Scorpio Nights 2 was dubbed as "the boldest movie ever made" boasting of a myriad of exposed female body parts and simulated sex acts. Headed by the very female star that pushed the boundary of my lustful imagination, I felt the overwhelming urgency to watch it as soon as it hit the theaters. And what more appropriate venue for me to see Scorpio Nights 2 than in an old, second rate, poorly ventilated and bug colonized movie house along Recto, Manila.

The first day of its showing coincided perfectly with a long vacant from my class schedule. Perhaps it was the overpowering adolescent urge of mine, I had the uncontrollable need to be among the firsts to watch Scorpio Nights 2. I tried hard to persuade my classmates to accompany me but to no avail. So, I endured the shameless deed of watching it by my lonesome in an indecent venue. Before going, I contemplated of wearing sunglasses and a face mask ala Michael Jackson so nobody could recognize me. At that instance, I felt I would rather wear a tshirt that says "I Love Judy Ann Santos" than be caught going into such place. But for the sake of my anticipatory sexual arousal, I went to see the movie alone. Just a stone throw away from my school, I arrived at the cinema just in time for the film's second screening. After paying for my movie ticket, I went to the snack bar to buy something to eat. A barong clad man in his forties suddenly appeared before me.

"Hi! May kasama ka?" he soft spokenly said.

Based on his homosexual erotically driven tone of voice and facial aura, I immediately knew that he was a gay man in the hunt for bed mates. As a defenseless, frail, and immaculate teenage virgin at that time, my heart began palpitating at a tremendous rate. Like a small and innocent animal for a bait about to be devoured by a large beast, I was afraid. To avoid being a victim of a sex predator, I quickly thought of an alibi.

With a straight face, I replied, "Yung kuya ko kasama ko, nasa loob ng sinehan."

"Kala ko kasi mag-isa ka lang. Yayain sana kitang manuod tayo nang sabay," the middle aged homosexual guy audaciously revealed while flashing his flirtatiously demonic smile.

As if it was the only way to stay alive, I swiftly headed towards the inside of the cinema. After finding a chair to sit, I suspiciously looked around, deeply paranoid that the dirty old homo might be lurking from behind. Since the coast was clear, my attention was set on the big screen. A movie trailer from Seiko Films was currently playing. During those days, Seiko Films was a top film outfit known for their raunchy B movie offerings and this infamous motto: "If it's from Seiko, it must be good." Seiko Films came out with massive productions of forgettable R18 movies with unforgettable titles such as Talong (Eggplant), Itlog (Egg), Basa (Wet), Kangkong (Water Spinach), Patikim Ng Pinya (Taste The Pineapple) and Anakan Mo Ako (Inseminate Me).

Noticeably, the common denominator among these sleazy flicks was the use of schmaltzy music from the band Michael Learns To Rock whose sole existence lies on annoying people with their songs. As the erotic scenes from these Seiko Films movies were shown, the obnoxious background music from the cheesy songs 25 Minutes and The Actor was simultaneously played. After the combined visual pleasure and auditory torture offered by the Seiko Films movie trailer, the screening for Scorpio Nights 2 finally began. Just a few minutes since the film began, an extremely loud snore distracted my keen viewing pleasure. Merely three seats apart from me, the annoying sound emanated from a bald man sleeping soundly, with his head fully extended and is mouth wide open like a Venus Flytrap. Judging from his look, the guy with alopecia was probably sleep-deprived for a long time. No amount of high volume from the movie playing was successful in waking him. His successive attacks of loud snores led me to believe that in his previous life, the man might have lived as a swine.

After getting several meters away from the follicly challenged guy nearing coma, I found solace in my new seat as I watched Joyce Jimenez do her thing. Halfway through the movie, a student couple sat in front of me. As the scenes from the film heated up, so did the live action courtesy of the lovers in school uniforms. Right before my very eyes, the two lovers were on the brink of suffocation. As if constricting each other like boa pythons, they were hugging like there is no tomorrow. Unmindful of my presence, they even swapped DNAs by torridly locking lips. At the rate they were goin, they seemed to be perpetually engaged in a battle of who between them can hold his or her breath longer. Obviously in the peak of lust, the young couple were doing the precarious activity all throughout the movie. If not for the lights turning on after the movie had ended, they could have probably gone all the way.

As the male dominated crowd of moviegoers went out of the theater, I had the unreasonable paranoia that upon exiting the venue, a tv camera and microphone would be shoved right into my face, asking for my opinion and shout outs for the movie. Thank God, it did not happen. And nowadays, I thank God for the dvd players and pirated discs. I can now watch movies in the confines of my own room away from the presence of a horny couple, a snoring bald guy, movie trailers with cheesy theme songs, and a gay sex predator.