The Metro Manila Film PESTE-val

As a cinema lover, there is no greater pain when you're unwillingly assaulted with redundant, brain cell depleting, crappy movies for a two week period. It's like a PETA member being forced to watch an animal cruelty video. It's like Maricar Reyes doing a movie marathon of her sex tapes against her will. It's like a homophobic tough guy being subjected to view one whole season of Project Runway, much to his chagrin. Perhaps, it's the moral defect among film procducers that they tend to care less in offering quality movies as long as they reap lots of moolah. In their book, what is most important is to earn millions at the expense of a fanatical audience. Perhaps, it's the movie going public whose simplified disposition in life makes them not worry in wasting money on movies with no redeeming values. After all, it's Christmas. Ok lang ang gumastos. Perhaps, both. It sends shudders of fear to my heart that this tradition may go on til the day I age, when my testicles already hang like a wizard's sleeves. It has been my fervent wish that the MMFF be contaminated no more with Mother Lily and her sequels of Shake, Rattle and Roll and Mano Po plus movies featuring Bong Revilla, Vic Sotto, Ai Ai delas Alas and Kris Aquino.

First, lets talk about Mother Lily Monteverde. The MMFF should be likewise called the Mother Lily Film Festival for the sole reason that the entries are usually dominated by movies produced by the said film matriarch. Regarding her seemingly endless Shake, Rattle and Roll and Mano Po film franchises, somebody should tell Mother Lily to stop. It has come to the point that they are already annoying more than entertaining. For their utter repetitiveness, usual smorgasbord casts and shallow storylines, anyone who up to this day is avidly following the said sequels should have his head examined.

Concerning Bong Revilla, the actor senator has been infesting the MMFF with his presence yearly without fail. Even those with thick Neanderthal skulls can easily detect that his entries were mostly rip-offs of big budgeted US blockbuster motion pictures. Remember Resiklo, an obvious copycat of Transformers? How bout Exodus which was ridiculously patterned after The Lord Of The Rings? The Senator often boasts of their "Hollywood-like" special effects when in fact they were merely synonymous to the computer graphics I see among online games. For pestering us with time wasting fantasy flicks with subliminal plots, Bong Revilla should rest for awhile and rethink about his life.

Though I have high regards for Vic Sotto, the same old formulaic theme on his movies should cease to exist. We have grown tired of his customary fantasy adventure movie featuring him, a leading lady that could pass as his daughter (though this year it is Ai Ai), a side kick for added comic relief, and of course his son Oyo Boy (laging kasama yun eh.) Last year, it was a joint venture with Bong Revilla. Now, it's Enteng Ng Ina Mo. With his growing habit of movie tie ins with other familiar film fest entries, it seems Vic Sotto is making a mockery out of us.

If not infesting our television sets with her presence and her creepy son Baby James, a horror movie featuring Kris Aquino is always included in this annual festival. Despite the lack of talent as an actress, her previous movies have reaped millions in the box office. For supporting her despite the numerous scandals and misdemeanors, Filipinos are to be blamed for what she has become... a monster. Kris Aquino is a real life horror movie... our own Frankenstein.

My amazing level of tolerance has reached its peak. I cannot endure anymore imbecilic movies, self important and greedy movie producers and actors, and bureaucratic film fest organizers. I find it annoying that these people who are far richer than I am are appealing to my good nature to support Filipino movies, especially come MMFF. They have the nerve to charge P150 for me to sit through two hours of cinematic garbage. About a decade ago, I remember watching a decent entry at the MMFF. It was Jose Rizal. It was the top grossing movie of that year's festivities, yet it was a very good film. Yeah sure, some may say that the event is all about the children or it's the only time that the local film industry is able to generate money. Then, we might as well give another name for the MMFF, the Money Making Fantasy Filmfest.